Open a Can

Insomnia List

beanz80 — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 05:51:12 +0000

Currently battling with insomnia and so far

I’ve scanned, uploaded and cropped a bunch pictures
Hooked up my web cam and Google Video Chat for no apparent reason at all
Watched a streamed video game Marathon…nothing is more riveting than someone playing Oregon Trail at 1am
Attempting to make an entry to this blog
Listen to large bugs run into my bedroom window…for a minute there I thought the Cicada’s have returned.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that my insomnia routine is pretty boring, and I’m fighting the urge to call my wife who is on travel (because misery loves company ), but I know I won’t because after flying from the East Coast to the West she has earned a decent nights sleep. So instead I’m here watching my clock get closer to 6:45am and wondering if anyone out there wants to share their answer to the following question: What do you do when you can’t sleep?

-One Sleep Deprived Legume

Huh?

beanz80 — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 02:46:50 +0000

You know just the other day I was thinking my laptop is small, but could I catch it between my butt. Thank you YouTube for providing me with the WTF of the night.

I’m still here!

beanz80 — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 22:08:39 +0000

Here is a quick update on this humble legume.

We’ve added a new addition to the family in the form of a crazy Retriever Mutt named Nylah.

I still haven’t taken the Java Certification Exam

My ankles seem to be falling about at the hinges

I also have to recommit to keeping the 2 people who look at this blog updated while trying to get into some type of routine when i’m not at work.

Mentally Drained

beanz80 — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 05:02:22 +0000

These past few weeks have been mentally draining, and I’ve got nothing to really say….oh wait yeah I do. The show Mamma’s Boys is a horrible horrible show and the 5-hour energy commercials makes me cringe. I digress since I don’t have much to say I’ll just offload a bunch of random picks from these past weeks. Enjoy

A walk in the city

Just a few more miles

Artistic junk food shot

Traffic plus rain = photo op

Blinging the tree

The Coffee set up that guarantees to get a “That’s such a cute computer” comment

Thats all for now…enjoy.

The Jump Kick

beanz80 — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 20:29:50 +0000

I’m not an overly violent person, how can I be I’m a pretty skinny guy. So skinny my nickname of Beanz comes from a modified version of Beanpole…a nickname given to me by my brother. For some reason I decided if my brother was going to call me this for the rest of my life, I might as well make it cool…and to me in the early 90s adding a z to Bean seemed like the coolest option. Urban dictionary thank you for ruining that for me.

Anyways in my daily life and online life…I mention the jump kick a lot. So why not take this time to explain what I mean. Well I used to get in a few altercations as a kid, but I never intentionally started them. I have the knack of pushing people to either want to hit me or attempt to hit me with just a few words. My wife still asks me “why do you have to have an answer for everything” to which I reply “do you want me to answer that”….so I guess you see what I mean. Anyways I would get into a few altercations and I’ve always known how to defend myself from having a big brother, martial arts, and the occasional crotch kick. However I found that the root cause of these fights were my temper. Even though I never looked for a fight when my temper took control…it made it impossible for me to step away. The best advice I got for this was from my instructor who told me to forget about just counting in your head. Visually jump kick whoever is trying to start a fight with you while counting in order to keep your big mouth shut. One ….begin the run, two …bend your knees and leap, three….strike a cool jump kick pose, four….imagine the look of disbelief on the recipients face, five…connect. During this little routine I always seem to have a smile on my face from the visual part of this exercise, and I’ll be jump kicked it kept my mouth shut in situations afterwards 8 out of 10 times as a kid. So ok after reading that…maybe it is a little violent. But if it keeps me out of physical confrontations I can’t complain. So when you see me mention a jump kick here and there on this blog…plurk….or twitter don’t think of it as violent method of rendering an opponent unconscious. Think of it as a anger management technique or a form of meditation. Now I leave you with some funny jump kicks to help you with forming your own visualization.

Plurk Request

beanz80 — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 13:54:18 +0000

I am all about others input, and one night I decided to let a friend on plurk pick my next blog entry. When I heard the topic I said “nice” and then after the typical male response wore off I wondered how the hell was I going to write about it. I am a man of my word and here is my attempt. The topic that was picked is none other than “the Brazilian”. Yes every guys ears just perked and the girls reading are either smiling or reliving some great pain…or not . What is the Brazilian you ask…well ummm courtesy of wikipedia bikini wax (complete with pictures, so definitely not work safe). On a side note apparently different wax styles have different location based descriptions: the American , French commonly known as the Landing Strip, and the Brazilian….its really a very global affair. I kid you not there is a whole world of stuff that is apparently going on in these spas. Yes, if you haven’t noticed by now I had to be a lil drunk to write this. Ok anyways where did this name come from…I mean who decided that they were going to call the removal of all hair from a womans groin the Brazilian. Why not the chihuahua, hmmm too wrinkly and shaky. How about the porn star…maybe thats too much. I can imagine a girl in a salon asking for the “porn star” and getting a waxing, anal bleaching (wished I never saw that Dr. 90210 episode) and a gift basket of some type of lube. I can’t get with the “Telly Savalas” because I don’t want to think of Kojak or a bald head when thinking about that and I’m guessing a woman wouldn’t want to either.. So the Brazilian does sounds like the best choice, beautiful women, beaches, beautiful women on the beaches….sorry got a little lost there but I’m back. Could a guy ask for a Brazilian or would they refer to it as something else like the Peeled Kiwi or the Processed Nuts? That last line kind of grossed me out and is probably a good place to stop. What are some of the names that you’ve heard associated with the clearing of a womans landing strip.

This topic brought to you by plurk and Red Stripe
In addition I want wish a Happy Birthday to the suggester of this topic…you know who you are .

Tags: Random

Grown Up

beanz80 — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 04:36:16 +0000

The day after the election was very interesting. I followed the typical protocol as dictated by the Black in America Newsletter (what you didn’t know about that) and avoided fist pounding, randomly breaking out into song and dance…and wearing my “Yes We Did” Shirt. I’m kidding about the newsletter (its more of a digital mailing list), but is it so wrong to be excited about this. It’s not rubbing anything in….its not Lakers vs. Celtics…this is a majority of the US looking past race and voting the first African American into the White House. If my excitement and overall euphoric feeling offends I apologize.

So on Wednesday I leave work and stop by Ruby Tuesday to pick up some food for the wife and I. I decide to go in and pick up the food at the bar. Well at the bar is Mr. Steamfitter, why do I call him Mr. Steamfitter well because he’s shouting it at the top of his lungs to everyone around. Yes, Mr. Steamfitter is drunk off his ass….which I can relate too. My food comes at an inopportune time….they’ve decided to cut off Mr. Steamfitter and he is on the way out. Here’s how it played out

Mr Steamfitter: “I’m a steamfitter back the #$@#$ up”

Mr. Steamfitter: “Hey you, what do you do?”

Me: “Sheetmetal”

Why did I say this well he’s drunk and a steamfitter and my brother always told me “Beanz if your skinny ass gets in trouble with a real worker (my brother doesnt believe any job at a desk is “real work”) then tell them you work with Sheetmetal because

A) thats a real job and B) We always have a blade.

Mr. Steamfitter: “Whats up man I’m a steamfitter ….Union # …incoherent babble. Hey what do you think about Obama winning”

Me uh oh…abort…abort

What came out

Me: “I’m happy”

Me shit

Mr. Steamfitter: “Thats great that great (the look on his face was the opposite of that)…you know I’ve heard some racist stuff at work today…about him putting pinks windows on the White House and serving watermelon and chicken. Do you think he’ll do that?” *

Me: “Well that happened when Tiger won the Masters…and you know everyone likes chicken. As for the other stuff, I tend to avoid idiots”.

Mr. Steamfitter: “What did you say”

Me : “I was just repeating what you said …you know idiots saying racist stuff”

At this point I realize that what I am about to say in most situations will push a drunk to his limit. No body likes a sober guy messing with a drunk…especially when they are looking for a fight. So I shut up. But just in case i’m in a relaxed fighting stance with my sights set on his leading knee.

Mr. Steamfitter: changes his tactics since the first attempt didn’t work and says “You know this is good…you guys can’t use the race card for nothing anymore. That race card lost a lot of weight”

Me: “Everyones got their opinion”

Yeah that’s what I said….the sound I heard in my head was the death of multiple funny comebacks, and a yo mama joke.

Mr. Steamfitter: “Yeah I thought so.. You ” It was cut off because at this point they were dragging him out of the bar.

Three years ago….two years ago I would have said a few things to this person, and probably had to have had our conversation broken up. Don’t get me wrong I’m not a violent person it’s just that I always seem to talk too much. Some would call me a smart ass, a consistent one at that. This is more so when I’m being challenged, I’m not sure why this is the case…a modified Napoleonic complex for skinny guys comes to mind. When I get home and deliver the food (which Ruby Tuesdays got wrong btw) to my better half, I told her about what happened to me. At this point the adrenaline formed up from the experience had hit its peak and I was regretting the missed opportunity for at least some good insults and anything that followed. In the end I calmed done and moved on, feeling a little bit more grown up. I guess in the end Mr. Steamfitter wanted to knock me down a peg, and in the end helped me learn how to be the better man.

So on Wednesday was definitely a day of highs and lows, but I know I’ll be remembering what I was doing when we elected our 44th President and I’ll Mr. Steamfitter will be a distant memory, one that has been reduced to a nicknamed person in a blog entry.

*Drunken comments were edited to not piss off or offend anyone else.

6 Pack Review – Black Sheep

beanz80 — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 04:55:05 +0000

Refer to this for rating system explanation

What would happen if the genetic engineering of sheep went horribly wrong in a small town or village. Well if you guessed zombie sheep running around eating the living and spreading the zombie sheep plague in the process….you would be right. This movie has it all….Man eating sheep, Man sleeping with sheep,Half Man half sheep…half amazing…..DRINK.

So here is a quick synopsis …the main character has a phobia of sheep because of something his demented brother does to him as a child, coupled with the death of his father. That main character returns home to the family farm that the crazy brother now runs for closure and selling his stake in family business. Now being that the older brother is a prick and just downright evil you know that he is up to no good…but what can a sheep farmer do? Enter the environmentalist do gooders…hoping to expose the farm for its crimes against all of sheep kind. In the process they release the evil version of Lamp Chop….DRINK…This Evil Lamp Chop seems to infect everything it bites with a zombie virus. Regular sheep become flesh eating carriers of the zombie virus…..humans bitten become LARGE sheep/human hybrids…You can only guess it only gets better from there.

This movie was pretty different…it did have a few Shaun of the Dead type moments, but it pretty much is the goriest movie with sheep …that I’ve ever seen. It gets 2 out of 6 beers……it was a movie that needed at least 2 beers because of the acting, but no more because of the concept and the special effects (i.e. gore).

If you watch this movie….all the way to the end you will be one of the few who can say they’ve seen a sheep eat a man’s ….well lets not spoil the surprise. Until next time ….cheers.

Tags: Review

Six Pack Ratings

beanz80 — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 04:47:50 +0000

So I’m trying something new….posting reviews for all of the bad movies I love to watch. I may ask a friend or two to contribute to the review or the drinking (see below).

These movies will be rated by the Six Pack system….think of it as a drinking game for movie ratings. Just like in drinking games its better to not drink more than your opponent and that same concept applies.

How to interpret the Six Pack ratings

The six pack rating system is a very dynamic rating system….one that is completely subjective to the rater.

Are you ready?

Ok here it is, less beers are better than more beers unless said rater wants to get drunk…then you will be lucky if he or she can remember the movie enough to rate it.

That’s it plain and simple…sometimes I will explain the raters sometimes I won’t. Just know if it is 6 out of 6 I probably didn’t finish watching the movie.

Tags: RatingSystem

Flashback

beanz80 — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 19:15:33 +0000

So when you are young, and full of the notion that you are going to make your own path and do what you want to…everything seems clear as day. For instance at the young age of 7, I wanted to be a chemist so I could create Spider-man’s synthetic webbing (the original Spider-man not your organic webbing one). This of course brought no ends of pain to my parents…especially when they noticed any household chemical missing. Sad to say I never found the formula…and that career path kind of vanished. The dream was replaced by a bright shiny IBM Clone or PC Compatible from TGE my first 286 computer, complete with a monochrome monitor and an UI which was only useful for navigating to the Space Wars, Wheel of Fortune and MS-DOS. This computer and an errant Apple which my dad found at a flea market made up my sophisticated playroom. Once my knack and addiction to computing was discovered he was more than happy to indulge in this hobby that didn’t involve me creating a noxious gas from borax, windex, and pine-sol. Later on it was an Acer 386 with a modem, and subsequent calls to nodes in California, Washington, and other West Coast locations from the East Coast that caused more pains to my parents…once the phone bill came. After my dad let me get back on the computer I knew that this was my future career. Regretfully it seems as though that path has been diluted. Working as a consultant or contractor is definitely not what I saw myself doing as a kid….I imagine being like the people who created Google, Windows, ID Software, etc. I get a little upset with myself for taking the comfortable way out, and I think its time I step out of my comfort zone and try to live up to my dreams.